Sometimes God works in small ways, not always the big, obvious, in your face kind of thing....no, sometimes it's something so simple and subtle you can just about miss it.
Throughout this journey through sickness with my little McKaylee, God has shown Himself to me in enormous ways. The fall off the bed that led to the discovery of her tumor which, in turn, actually saved her life. Yeah, that's pretty big and obvious and humbled me to my core. And there were countless things, too many to list, that happened while we were at St. Jude's that were undeniably the Hand of God intervening on behalf of our little girl. But as I get lost in the everyday ho-hum of this new "normal" life that I have come to know, sometimes I forget to notice the little ways that show me how very present Jesus Christ still is in our lives.
My McKaylee has a problem. Well, she has many but this particular problem involves a particular annoying parasite. The dreaded mosquito. She seems to have some sort of over-reaction to the bite of a mosquito; I have been told this is called "Skeeter Syndrome" but I'm not sure how accurate that really is. Well, skeeter syndrome or not, when she gets bitten, an enormous welt appears and can grow to be as big as her little hand. The bite actually bubbles up so big that it eventually pops and leaves a scar behind. The itching she experiences is extremely intense and actually brings her to tears. A mosquito bite is, therefore, a big deal in our family. Being unusually attracted to her, if I see a mosquito around, I go nuts slapping my hands together, trying to kill and destroy. Yes, I can get quite intense when someone or something tries to mess with my children.
Last week, my husband noticed a small mosquito that had somehow made its way into our home. We spent a ridiculous amount of time "hunting" this tiny insect, but to no avail. I actually got angry about the situation knowing that it would find its way up to her room and attack her while she slept. I am not just imagining the worst case scenario, this has actually happened before....just so you don't think I am totally nuts (debatable). We finally gave up trying to win this battle against the sneaky mosquito, put the children to bed and plopped on the couch for a movie. As ten o'clock rounded the corner, we decided to clean up and call it a night. As I was going around picking up left-behind toys and library books, I noticed my husband's ice cream bowl still sitting on the floor by the couch. He had devoured it, so nothing was left but the sticky residue that now lined the bowl. I reached down to pick it up and a smile crept upon my face when I looked inside. That pesky little mosquito in all his greediness had gotten himself stuck in the ice cream residue inside the bowl and had died there. And it was kind of one of those moments where you don't say anything out loud because you really can't put into words what it is you're feeling.....but it's something. And for me it was this odd feeling of knowing that God was still protecting her. And maybe that sounds silly, I mean it was something as simple as a mosquito, but to me it was just a reminder. We might be far removed from the battles we fought at St. Jude's and we might not fight through every day the way we used to but that doesn't mean that He's not still there---watching.... guiding....protecting. And it made me realize how often little things like this probably happen all the time and I just don't even notice them. My life is too normal, she is so healthy, things are so simple now and I don't look for the presence of God the way that I used to. But He is still there and I felt like He wanted me to know that. For in the hard days, He came to our aide in the form of peace, healing, comfort and mercy and those moments in my spiritual walk have changed my life forever. I mean, He was there, He was with us, He was holding our hand each step of the way and we knew it. But now as we settle back into our routines, as life becomes busy and our biggest fear is potty-training, we might not feel that overwhelming presence; but only because we sub-consciously think we don't need it as much anymore. And I think it's just awesome that even in our every day lives, He's still there watching over us. Sometimes giving us little reminders that He is not just watching over us during the darkness, but He's protecting us in the light, as well.
" Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.” Psalms 91:9-16