The glorious chunk
I just realized something today.....my little McKaylee is a little CHUNK! When we were at St. Jude's, her constant chemotherapy treatments caused her to stay very sick and lose a bit of weight. It was a daily chore just to get her to take a few bites of food and her weight was something we worried about constantly. We would cheer for her anytime she seemed interested in food and would go out of the way to get her whatever type of food she wanted. Even though those days are over now, that part of me has still not turned off. I still spend most of my days fixing meal after meal for McKaylee, constantly offering her snacks and juice, from the minute I wake up till the second she goes to sleep. My husband, Stephen, is often humored (and sometimes frustrated) with my valiant efforts. I have heard from him, more than a hundred times, that she is beyond healthy when it comes to her weight. I guess I've never realized how big she's getting until today. She has started experimenting with the potty, which is exciting, and asked me to help her climb on top of her little girl potty today for some "practice". I took her pants and diaper off and watched as she sat on her pretty pink portable potty, knowing nothing was actually going on "potty-wise", but excited just the same. When she was "all done", she got up half-naked and walked to the other side of the room. What I saw in that moment as she stood before me was shocking. For here was this amazing, precious little girl completely covered in chunky rolls and dimples! She was pudgy, squishy even, and her little tummy was so big and round. I realized for the first time since we've gotten back home that she is chunky again! I suppose she's been chunky for awhile, I've just never noticed it until now. And as much as I would love to say that I will stop worrying about how much she eats, when she eats, or what she eats, I know it won't be that easy. I carry this picture of her in my mind of how she used to look and it scares me. This is what I remember from those horrible days:
That picture haunts me and is a constant reminder of how sick she really was. So as chunky as she might be, I'll still rejoice every time she willingly takes a bite of food, every morning she eats 4 waffles in just under 45 minutes, every time she finds joy in eating food. And maybe my husband is right, maybe she will become a roly-poly chunk, but I count every ounce of her as an answer to prayer!